A Love I Never Recognized
by xXToxicFairyXx
Summary: Love, Tragedy, Lust, Frerard.
1. Introduction

It's been tough the last few months. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I've barely left my bed. I've been a complete wreck since the day Lindsey officially left me. She took Bandit with her. She took my baby girl.  
I haven't talked to much of anyone lately. I've pushed them all away. Except for Frank. I don't know what's made him stay and I don't care. I don't want to lose him, He's all I have. He checks up one me every day or so which is nice. He'll always say "Hey Gee, how's it going? You doing any better?". He always sounds so sweet. every few days he even comes over and cooks for me.  
I guess he knows I won't cook for myself. One day he came over to cook for me as you know...

"Hey Gerard. How you doing today?"

"The same as every other day." I shrug.

"I'm making your favorite tonight." He says, grinning.

"Dude why are you doing this? I appreciate it but I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself." I said independtly. But I'm just lying. I like it when Frank comes over. I like the company. It's always quiet around here without Lindsey's consant jokes and Bandit's adorable laughter as she plays. I miss my babies.

"Obviously not" he says gesturing towards my showing ribs. I've gotten really skinny. Like i said, I haven't eaten.

"Just let me cook for you and I'll leave since I'm pissing you off so much" Frank said irritably.

"I didn't mean that." I said lowly. Shit. I don't wanna hurt him.

"It's alright. I understand." He said with a bit of a frown. I hate seeing him upset, especially when i know I caused it. When he went into the kitchen he dumped a bag of ingredients on the island.  
Including Spaghetti noodles and Garlic Bread. My face lit up.

"You're making Spaghetti?." I said, with a bit of a spring in my voice, i smiled lightly, but i was giggling like and idiot on the inside.

"Told you i was making your favorite." He said with a smile. His smile comforts me. He comforts me.

"Go sit down while i prep the food." He said demandingly, yet jokingly. I did as he said. I'd do anything he says * snickers* but i'm getting off topic. i went into my living room, sat down and watched t.v.  
Waiting for him. he came out a few mintues later. "The sauce is cooking." He said with a smile. He sat down next to me. Smiling at me.

"Sooo, have you talked to Lindsey lately?" He asked.

"I tried. She didn't answer though."

All Frank could think to do was hug me. he frowned.

"I'm sorry Gerard. So Sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better." A dirty thought crossed my mind that moment, but i quickly dismissed it. I try not to think of Frank that way but it's hard sometimes. He's so sweet, so cute, so, handsome. He's always been such a great friend. Were these feelings real? Or am i just hallucinated by the fact that Frank's the only person who talks to me? 


	2. Guilt

Frank left the room moments ago to handle the food. Gerard heard him shout from my kitchen.

"FOODS DONE!" He jumped up. Walked casually to the kitchen, trying not to run. He was so hungry. He walked in and reached for a plate when Frank smacked his hand away.

"What, am I supposed to eat out of the pot?." Gerard said jokingly.

"Maybe." Frank smirked. "Just sit down I'll fix your plate okay?."

"Fine." Gerard sat down and waited as he fixed in incredibly full plate. When he brought it to the table Gerard's eyes widened. That was a lot of food!

"Shut up. I know you've gotta be starving." He was right. Gerard didn't say anything though, He just accepted the plate. A few minutes passed as he shoveled the last few bites in his mouth, then looked up and noticed that across the table from him Frank was sitting there grinning at him.

"Told ya." He said smugly. Gerard put his fork down and not knowing what to do, he smiled at him, with his mouth overflowing with spaghetti. it was hanging out of his mouth and everything. Frank bursted with laughter.  
Gerard quickly went back to eating when he realised how much of and idiot he looked like.

"Don't be embarrased." He barely managed to spit out as he laughed a little more. Gerard grinned again, this time without his dam of a mouth breaking from Pasta overflow.

"You like an italian clown or something." He said with a laugh, gesturing towards Gerard's sauce-covered face. 'He has the cutest damn laugh' Gerard thought. Gerard picked up a napkin and wiped his face. He appearently missed a spot. Frank stood up and came over to wipe the remaining bit of sauce on his face. Then he looked in Gerard's eyes. This wasn't a hallucination. These feelings were real, He knew at that exact moment. The little shread of doubt dissapated when Frank kissed Gerard lightly on the cheek. Then the lips. Then again. He broke Gerard's lips apart with his tongue. His and Gerard's collided. Gerard put his hands on Frank's neck and pulled him closer to him. He was now on top of Gerard. The kissing got faster and heavier. So did the breathing. Gerard put his hands under Frank's shirt on his back, and slowly his hands crept to his backside. Squeezing it. 'God, his ass is perfect' Gerard thought. Frank's hands ran up and into Gerard's shirt, rubbing his sides. Gerard began moaning in Frank's mouth, loudly. Frank broke the kiss.

"Wait, Gerard, what are we doing?." 'Nothing yet' He thought. 'Why am i thinking this was way?' Gerard thought again.

"I, I'm sorry." 'Why was I apologizing? He kissed ME! But I can't complain. I mean, I grabbed his ass.' Gerard thought.

"It's okay. Listen; lets just, forget this happened okay? and Please don't tell Jamia. She'd hate me."

"You know I wouldn't do that Frank."

"Thank you." Frank sat back down at his seat. This was awkward.

"I really am sorry." Gerard said. He felt guilty.

"There's no need to be sorry Gerard. It's okay." He said as he flashed Gerard a half-smile. Gerard smiled back.

"Thank you for the food."

"Not a problem."


	3. He Needs You

Shortly Frank arrives at Mikey's house. Turn's off the car, walks up to the door, knocks, frantically. Mikey opens the door quickly and abrubtly.

"WHAT MAN? I was coming! yeesh."

"You got the stuff?." Frank said with a smirk, referring to the weed Mikey was holding for him.

"Yeah I got the stuff. You got the money?." Mikey said, playing along with the joke.

"PSSSHHH. As long as I've been getting pot from you I ain't never paid." Frank said with a giggle. Then steps inside, and sits on Mikey's couch. Alicia's parent's had been staying for a week to visit.

"WHO'S THERE? One of your friends?" Alicia yells from across the house. Mikey yells back

"NO ALICIA I LET IN SOME RANDOM MOTHERF-CKER I'VE NEVER EVEN MET!." Frank and Alicia's mom burst out laughing.

"F-CK YOU" Alicia replied.

"Now there's a plan!." Mikey shouted sarcastically. Frank laughed even louder. Alicia's dad who was sitting in the recliner next to the couch shaked his head 'no' at Mikey. When Frank finally caught his breath he followed Mikey to his bedroom.

"Can we talk for a second?" Frank asked.

"Sure. Alicia can me and him talk alone for a minute?" he said to his wife as she put away the last bit of laundry.

"Sure" she left the room. "F-CK HIM GOOD FRANK!" She yelled as she walked to the living room. Mikey shakes his head.

"Bitch" He says with a laugh. "So what's on your mind Franz? Here to declare your love for me?." He said jokingly.

"It's about Gerard."

"Oh." He quickly looked away. "What about him?."

"Have you talked to him lately?"

"No." Mikey says quickly. "Why?."

"He's a mess Mikey. He needs his little brother. I'm all he has. He won't eat, he won't sleep. he just sits and draws."

"It worked for him before."

"That was before he had a family Mikey. Before he LOST his family." Mikey wouldn't even look at Frank.

"Mikey look at me. You know I'm right." Mikey glared at Frank. He didn't want anything to do with Gerard.

"He's made it clear he doesn't need me or want me around, so I'm done. Unless he killed himself or is close to it I don't give a sh-t." Frank's eyes widened. How could Mikey say that about his own brother?  
Frank smacked Mikey in the face.

"OW! THE F-CK WAS THAT FOR?."

"The f-ck was THAT for? Did you even heard what you just said? He is your f-cking brother Mikey! and He needs you. I don't care what you THINK he wants. He wants his little brother to care for him, just like he cared for you. You know you've pissed him off too. but he was always there for you, and you need to be there for him." That pissed Mikey off. Mostly because under it all, he knew Frank was right. Gerard had always been there for him. He couldn't just leave Gerard like that. He shrugged.

"Fine. I'll go over to his house tomorrow. But you're comin' with me, asshole."

"Good. He's really gonna appreciate that Mikey." Frank half smiled. "Now...Where's the weed?." Mikey laughed, handed him a bag of weed and told him

"Here, now get out of my f-cking house." he said with a smirk.

"Yes father." Frank said with a laugh a he left.


	4. Blood Soaked Tissues

The next day Mikey picked up Frank from his house and they headed to Gerard's. When they got there they knocked and yelled for about 5 minutes.

"Oh well he's not here." Mikey said with a relieved tone in his voice. He began to walk away when Frank grabbed Mikey by his hair. "Ow! F-cker. How are we supposed to get in?."

"Do you still have that key Gerard gave you?." Frank asked very sternly.

"Um, yeah about that, I sorta flushed it down the toilet the day Gerard told me to get out of his life." Frank rolled his eyes.

"Damn it Michael. When we leave I'm telling your mom. Be glad i still have mine." Frank pulled a key out of his pocket, put in the door knob, turned it, and went inside.

"Gerard! You here?" Mikey and Frank yelled for him but he never showed, they went into the kitchen and found drawings. The images made Frank and Mikey's eyes widen and jaws drop. They were the same man in each drawing, they guessed it was Gerard, judging by the long black hair, hazel eyes and similar facial features. The shocking part of the drawings was that in each one, the man was killing himself in different ways. Shooting himself, hanging himself, cutting himself, etc.

"Oh, oh my god." Mikey stuttered. They were horrified. They both freaked out. looking for Gerard all over the house, in the bathroom, in the basement, in the attic, unsure why they didn't go into his bedroom first, they went in and found that the small trash-can in there was filled with crumpled up paper and blood soaked tissues. Mikey went into the bathroom in Gerard's bedroom looking for him and found nothing.  
He heard Frank shout for him and came.

"Mikey, I think you need to read this." Frank said handing him one of the crumpled up notes. It was a suicide note. Mikey began to tear up as he quickly read each one, soon discovering they were ALL suicide notes. He leaned up against the wall and sank to the floor, trying not to cry. He placed face in his hands and began to hyperventilate. Frank ran to the kitchen and found a paper bag for Mikey.  
While Mikey and Frank were inside worrying about Gerard and where he was, Gerard got back from his walk and saw his front door was opened. ignoring Mikey's parked car in the driveway Gerard ran inside.

"Hello? Who's there?." Mikey heard Gerard's voice, jumped up and ran downstairs to his confused brother.

"GERARD! YOU'RE OKAY! THANK GOD!." He ran and pulled Gerard into his arms squeezing him. "I WAS SO SCARED!." Frank entered the room as Gerard struggled to escape Mikey's grasp.

"Yeah, of course I'm alright. What are you guys doing here?."

"We came to see you silly." Gerard raised an eyebrow at the strange sentence coming from his younger brother.

"Oh. Well, why? I get Frank being here but I thought you were done with me." Gerard said lowly to Mikey.

"Well, yesterday after Frank left your house he came to mine 'cause I said I had some pot for him. and While he was there he told me that I needed to see you. And here I am. But that's not important. I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me."

"Fine." No matter how much he pretended to not want to see his brother he was happy to see Mikey still cared, especially after everything Gerard said to him.

"Gerard, when we got here we didn't know where you where, and we went into the kitchen first." Gerard knew immediately where this was going.

"I don't wanna talk about it Mikey."

"You have too. I saw the drawings Gerard." Mikey sat down next to Gerard and got closer. "I saw the notes." Gerard looked at Mikey with an almost scared expression on his face.

"Gerard, are you thinking about killing yourself?." Frank asked worriedly, afraid he and Mikey already knew the answer.

"Sometimes." Gerard said finally. "But never to extent of trying."

"But we saw the blood soaked tissues in the trash can in your room." Said Mikey.

"But I've never-" Gerard said before he got cut off.

"Gerard. Quit denying it. You need help." Said Frank.

"All I need is someone to be here for me." Gerard said with a crack in his voice. A tear ran down his cheek as Mikey held him. He started to sob, heavily.

"It'll be okay Gerard. I'm here." Mikey whispered in his hurt brother's ear. What irony. A few seconds passed when Mikey got a call from Alicia's mother

"Hello?.''

"Mikey, Alicia fell down the stairs."

"WHAT?! Is she okay?."

"No. We're. I had to call 911. Her leg's are broken. and her arm."

"Oh my god. Oh god I'm so sorry. I'm on my way. Which hospital are you at?."

"St. Vincent."

"Ok I'm coming."

"Thank you." She hung up.

"What happened?." Gerard asked.

"Alicia fell down the stairs. Both of her legs and one of her arms are broken. I have to go. I'm so sorry Gerard."

"Oh god that's awful. It's okay Mikey. I'm sorry that happened. Go ahead and go." Gerard said sympathetically.

"Ok, Thank you for understanding. I love you."

"I love you too. Good luck."

"I'm not the one who needs it. You comin' Frank?."

"Actually I think I'll stay behind with Gerard. I'm sorry about what happened Mikey."

"It's okay. I have to go. Bye y'all."

"Bye." Gerard and Frank said simultaneously. Mikey closed the door behind him and left.

"God poor Alicia. I hope she'll be okay." Said Frank.

"Me too." Said Gerard. "Hey Frank, um, why did you stay behind?."

"To be with you. I don't want you to be alone." Frank said with a half-smile

"Oh well, thank you Frank." Gerard said smiling through the tears. 'Oh yay, they're coming back' Gerard thought. When Frank saw Gerard's tears he hugged him.

"Um, Frank, about last night, I know you said we should forget it ever happened but, I can't. I can't stop thinking about it." Frank pulled away just enough to look Gerard in the eyes.

"I know. I can't either. I dreamt about it." Frank said with another half-smile. Frank had had feelings for Gerard for a long time, but he always managed to supress his feelings. But now he felt, closer to Gerard. His love for Gerard had grown stronger over the past few months he's been comforting him.

"Really?." Gerard asked. He felt almost, flattered.


	5. Are You Sure You Want To Do This?

Authors note: If you would rather skip the sex thats fine but there's some pretty important stuff in this chapter so watch what you're skipping at a certain point you gotta read to get the jist.  
Enjoy.

A few seconds passed of Gerard and Frank holding eachother and looking into eachother eyes. they finally kissed. Soon Gerard forces his tongue into Frank's mouth, Frank doesn't fight him. While they're moaning into eachother's mouths, Frank runs his hands down Gerard's back, to his ass, squeezing hard, making Gerard moan louder. Gerard puts his hands on Frank waist and pulls him on top of himself, then grabs his ass too. Frank runs his left hand to Gerard's front and into his pants, rubbing his growing cock slowly, making him moan even louder. After a few minutes of kissing and groping Gerard breaks the kiss.

"Frank, are you sure you want to do this?." He looked up into Frank's big, beautiful hazel eyes.

"Gerard, I've never been more sure about anything." He said with a slight smile. But the love behind that smile was more than words could show. Gerard smiled back and they resumed kissing.  
Frank's lips were incredibly soft. Frank sits up and takes his shirt off and unbuckles his pants. Gerard stops him again.

"Wait. Follow me." Gerard moved from under Frank and walked to his bedroom. Frank did as told. Gerard gently pushed Frank onto the bed and got on top of him, kissing him passionately. He grabbed a hankerchief and tied it around Frank's face, blindfolding him.

"I'll be right back okay? Stay here." Gerard said, kissing Frank one last time before he left the room, leaving Frank blind and horny on his bed. He returned with two pairs of handcuffs and a bottle of lube.

"Gerard?."

"I'm here baby don't worry." He grabbed Frank's hips and turned him around, putting him on his hands and knees. He handcuffed each hand to the bed frame and pulled his pants off. Frank moaned desparately as Gerard rubbed against his ass while he rubbed Frank's sides.

"You want me to fuck you baby?." Gerard asked him as he ran his hands down to Frank's crotch, holding his cock with one hand and rubbing his balls with the other, making him go crazy.

"Yes, oh god, yes. Please fuck me." He begged. Gerard smirked and took his shirt off, throwing it carelessly on the floor, then pulling his pants and underwear off, throwing them to join his shirt. He grabbed the bottle of lube and poured it in his hand, then rubbed it all over his dick, thoroughly. He grabbed it and touched the tip the Frank's asshole, making him gasp.  
He spread Frank's ass open and pushed the head in, Frank gasped. Gerard ran his hands to Frank's hips and pushed his whole dick in. Frank moaned loudly and grabbed the blankets as hard as he could. Gerard thrusted into Frank, over and over, then stopped.

"W-why'd you stop." Frank whimpered.

"Maybe I wanted to." He grinned. He wanted Frank to beg for him, for more of his love.

"Please fuck me more. Please." Frank begged as the handcuffs dug into his wrist. It hurt but he didn't care. All he wanted was to feel Gerard's dick inside of him. He pleaded continuously until Gerard finally gave in.

"Ok baby, but i need you to do something for me first."

"Anything. I'll do anything." He said quickly.

"I know you will." He grinned again at the sight. Gerard stood and slid in between Frank and the headboard. He grabbed his cock and pressed it to Frank's lips, psuhing it against his mouth.  
Frank knew what to do. He opened his mouth wide, it reminded him of when he would sing for LeATHERMOUTH. He wrapped his lips around the head of Gerard's cock, moving his tongue around it, sucking it. But this wouldn't do, oh no, He wanted more. He moved forward and swallowed Gerard whole.

"FUCK!" He yelled as Frank practically devoured him. How did he get so good at this? Has he pleasured other men like this? These depressing thoughts plagued Gerard's mind until he felt something warm on his legs. Frank pissed himself. Gerard pulled himself out of his mouth and got off of the bed.

"Oh shit. I'm so sorry." Frank was humiliated.

"It's okay." He pulled the blindfold off of Frank and leaned to his height. "It happens." He said, comforting him. He smiled at Frank, Frank half smiled then quickly frowned again. Frank was upset, but soon decided to think of it a different way. 'I'm a bad boy for pissing the bed. I need to be spanked.'

"You should probably punish me for being so nasty." He smirked up at Gerard. Gerard smirked devilishly back and grabbed the belt from his pants. He got back on the bed on his knees and grabbed Frank's ass cheek. He ran his hand down in between Frank's legs and rubbed his balls slowly, then very quickly grasped them tight, making Frank gasp. Then he got off the bed and stood on the floor behing Frank, a loud crack and Frank's aroused scream filled what once was silence.

"AGAIN!" Gerard smacked him again, and again. It was making his cock harder, and Frank's was fully hard again. Gerard kept spanking Frank for a few minutes. Frank wanted Gerard to call him shit like 'dirty slut' and 'whore' but he couldn't. He didn't think of Frank that way. Frank wasn't a bitch or a slut, he was the sweetest person in the world. It hurt Gerard to spank him,  
but he did like it, they both did. After a few minutes of spanking Gerard dropped the belt and climbed under Frank just enough the suck his dick. He grabbed his waste and pulled him down,  
pushing his whole cock in his mouth. Frank yelled and bucked into his mouth, gagging him, but he didn't care, he continued to suck, his nose buried in a dark layer of pubic hair. He liked hairy dicks. He grabbed Frank's ass with both hands spreading his ass cheeks, teasing his asshole with his finger. He wrapped his legs around Frank's neck and pulled him closer to his dick,  
They 69'd until they both came. When Frank came again he looked up and shouted Gerard's name, then Gerard came on Frank's face neck, smiling. He got up and un handcuffed Frank.  
His wrist were bleeding slightly but not enough to cause any damage. Still Gerard frowned sympathetically and kissed his wrists. Frank grinned up at him. Gerard layed his head on Frank's chest and sighed happily. Frank hugged him. He felt safe in his arms.

"Thank you Frank. I think I needed that."

"It's okay. You don't need to thank me. But you do need to get up so i can wipe your cum off of my neck." He said casually as he rose from the bed, making Gerard laugh, he turned back to see Gerard smile as he laughed. He misses his smile. He grins and walks to the bathroom. Gerard stayed lying on the bed, then jumping up when he realises he's laying in a mixture of spit, piss, and cum. He took the blanket and sheet and put them in the washer. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

"We should probably bath."

"*Elch* yeah your right." Frank agreed disgustedly. He and Gerard stepped in and bathed together. That was strangely the least sexual part of the night. They dried off and dressed. As they walked into the living room Frank gasped.

"What's wrong?." Gerard asked.

"Jamia. She's gonna wonder where I've been all night." They've been making love for hours without realising it. "I can't just tell her I've been fucking you. What am I gonna do?." He sat and layed his head in his hands. Gerard frowned when he saw what had happened.

"Well, Mikey drove you over here right?."

"Yeah."

"So then just tell her what happened to Alicia. Say you've been, waiting for him to come pick you up and he forgot."

"She'd wonder why I didn't go with him." Just in time, Frank's phone rings. He picked it up and realised he had 3 missed calls, all from Jamia.

"Hello?."

"Where the fuck are you? I've called you 4 fucking times!."

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't hear the phone."

"I don't care, that doesn't tell me where you're at."

"I, erm, I'm at Gerard's."

"Doing what?."

Frank was silent.

"Frank, don't tell me you fucked him."

"No! Why would you think that?."

"I don't think, I know. I'm not fucking stupid Frank. You think about him all the fucking time. You dream about him, you-"

"How did you know I had a dream about him?."

"Not had, _have_. You say his name in your sleep. You have...wet dreams about him." Her voice was calmer now, but she was still obviously hurt.

"You, you saw?."

"When you get out of bed before me and put your underwear in the washer, thinking I'm asleep. Yeah, I saw."

"I'm sorry Jamia. I never meant to hurt you...You know I love you, right?."

"Of course I do, but that doesn't mean you don't love him more." Those words shot like daggers in his chest, he went speechless. "Look just, don't even bother coming home. I don't want you around me or the kids until you know what you want. You need to choose between me and him Frank. You can't have both of us, I'm sorry." She hung up. He dropped his phone and buried his face in his hands, tearing up. He felt horrible. So did Gerard.

"What happened Frank?." He asked sympathetically, even though he feared he already knew the answer.

"Just take me home." He said, trembling. His voice was breaking and tears were running down his cheeks.

"Okay.".


	6. Ttyl

Author's note: This is again in no disrespect towards the following mentions. I wish no pain or suffering or tragedy in any way towards those in this story, it is simply a random story I came up with. Once again enjoy :).

Frank and Gerard soon arrived at his and Jamia's. Frank had spent the ride silent. He cried, but quietly. Tears simply ran down his cheeks as he began to realise that she might leave him.

"Thank you." Frank said with a very light smile, that faded quickly back to the frown planted on his face.

"It's fine...I'm sorry about what happened. I hope everything's alright with you and Jamia."

"Thanks but, I don't know, she hates me a lot right now." They just looked at eachother for a moment until Frank opened his side door and stepped out. "Thanks again for the ride."

"No problem." Frank shut the door and Gerard watched Frank for a moment, the backed out of the driveway and left. Frank knocked on the door and Jamia opened it then closed it a little when she saw who was there.

"I told you not to come home."

"You told me don't come home until I know what I want."

"You're lying Frank. I see it in your eyes. You want to be with him, not me."

"That's not true."

"Frank, If you loved me more you never would have fallen in love with him."

"Maybe I just think he's hot Jamia. Maybe that's all it is. I don't have to be in love with him to think he's hot."

"Frank! Just go, I can't deal with this." She tried to shut the door but Frank stuck his foot in the doorway.

"Please! There has to be something I can do." He said. He was desparate. She looked at him for a few seconds then let up.

"You can come in. But I'm not forgiving you."

"Thank you." He walked in and kneeled down to give his son a hug when he ran to him. "Hey buddy." He gave him a kiss on the cheek and turned back to Jamia.

"Frank. I've known this for a long time. And I could deal with it back when you just had a crush and jumped him onstage but this is different. The dreams, the constant dreams, and now this? I can't take it anymore Frank. You've gone too far." He looked at the floor, then back at his wife. "Frank, you know I love you. That's why this kills me so much. Frank, if you want to stay with me, then, I don't think you should be around him anymore." He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "I know it seems f-cked up but, you're my husband. I know he's your best friend and he's in a tough situation, but I can't risk this happening again. I'm sorry. I don't want you around him anymore." He was speechless. He just stared at her.

"I, I." -sighs- "Okay. I, I won't." He looked at the floor. then behind him, towards his daughters and son who were passed out on some of the dogs. Jamia walked to him and hugged him, resting her head on his shoulders.

"I know you're worried about him, but him and Mikey are talking again right?."

"I think so, although I don't know If Alicia's alright. I haven't heard anything from him yet. I should call him."

"What happened?."

"She fell down the stairs and broke some shit. I forget what though."

"Good god, I hope she's okay." She said worriedly, looking up at him. "Are you okay baby?."

"Absolutely fine." He said, moving from her and walking outside. He sat on the sidewalk scrolling through his phone. He called Mikey.

"Hey Frank." He said tiredly.

"Hey Mike. How's Alicia?."

"Hurt bad. But she'll live. She has to be in the hospital for a few weeks."

"At least she's alright, sorta. You sound tired." He said naively not realizing it was after midnight.

"Well, yeah. I've been here all night. OH SHIT! You're not still at Gerard's are you?."

"No, after a while he gave me a ride home."

"I am so sorry."

"It's okay. I volunteered remember?."

"Yeah. Hey I'm gonna go okay? I'm tired."

"Okay. Be careful driving home."

"Actually I'm gonna sleep on this sofa in her room."

"Oh, okay. Bye."

"Bye." He hung up and texted Gerard. 'hey. r u asleep?'

'No. u?'

'Yea actually im txting u in my sleep. cool huh?'

'right, sorry. lol. r things ok with u and Jamia?'

'no. well, sorta. Look, she doesnt want me around u anymore.'

'really?'

'yea. im sorry Gerard, i tried but she doesnt want us doing, that again.'

'i understand. im sorry this happened.'

'why r u sorry? its not ur fault.'

'yes it is. i never should have talked about when we kissed. i shouldnt have brought it up.'

'u nvr would have known Gerard. its ok, really, im just sorry i cant see you anymore. we can still talk though. :)' once again just in time it seems, Jamia walked outside beside Frank.

"Who ya texting?" She asked as she plopped next to him.

"Um, Gerard."

"Really? Why? I thought I told you how I felt about that." She said with a smile. The kind of smile you get with a backhanded compliment from your condescending mother.

"You said you didn't want me around him. You didn't say I couldn't talk to him. Jamia he needs somebody."

"That's not your problem or mine."

"Maybe I want it to be. You're going too far with this. I can't just erase him from my life." He recieved a text from Gerard saying 'yea :). at least we can talk'

"You can if you want to be with me." She said with a scowl as she rose. "Oh and Frank, before you think you can leave me for him, remember that you'll be losing me _and_ the kids." She said walking inside, slamming the door behind her. He sat there for a few minutes. He had no idea what to do. He had been having a lot of problems with her anyway but he still loved her. And the last thing he wanted was to lose his babies. And Mikey could still talk to Gerard right? Couldn't Gerard and Ray start talking again? What if Lindsey came back? Would she? Even after Gerard's...incident? He BEAT her. But he was losing his mind. He thought she was cheating. He was drunk, couldn't she forgive him? These thoughts were paused when he recieved a text from Gerard.

'U there? Is Jamia mad at you for texting me?'

'Yea im here. I have to go.'

'oh ok. goodnight. ttyl.'

'ttyl' he replied. emphasis on the "lied".


	7. Unconsious, Bleeding Everywhere

It's been two weeks. Frank hasn't talked to Gerard since the night they made love. He's been worried. He's talked to Mikey and Ray, asking them if they've heard anything from him. Ray and Mikey have tried calling him several times a week but no answers. This has only made him worry more. He decided to call Lindsey.

"Hello."

"Hey Lindsey, it's Frank."

"I know. What do you need?."

"I need you to see Gerard."

"No."

"Lindsey please. He needs someone. Ray's been busy and Mikey's been taking care of Alicia."

"What happened to Alicia?."

"She fell down that stairs two weeks ago."

"Oh god, that's awful. And you?."

"I can't see him."

"Why not?."

"It's, not important. Look, please do this, if not for him for me. It'll make me feel better. Nobody can get in touch with him. He won't answer his phone or anything. I don't know if he's okay or not."

"Frank I don't want to sound cruel but I can't do that. I can't risk him hurting me or Bandit."

"It was an error in judgement. He feels horrible Lindsey. He won't eat or sleep. And a couple of weeks ago me and Mikey went over and he was gone. We found drawings, horrible drawings. And crumpled up suicide notes. He was okay thank god but at that time I could still see him and talk to him." He was welling up at the thought. "He needs to see you. He needs to see Bandit too. Just, please. He started cutting himself and I'm worried he'll keep doing it. or worse." She was silent for a few seconds, thinking.

"Okay. I will. But you're coming with me."

"Lindsey I can't co-"

"You're coming with me." She demanded.

"I -sigh- fine."...

_o~O~o_

"Where are we going Mommy?." Bandit asked as they pulled out of their new driveway the next day.

"We're gonna go see Daddy."

"REALLY? YAAYYYY!." Lindsey half-smiled at her daughter's enthusiasm. She missed him just as much as Bandit did. But she was afraid. Afraid of being hurt by a man she thought could never do such a thing. Who normally wouldn't. Soon she arrived at Frank's. Jamia asked where he was going. "To Mikey's, I want to see how Alicia's doing." He lied. He stepped in the car and greeted the two.

"So you gonna tell me why you can't see Gerard without Big Brother laying the smack-down on you?." He glared at her remark.

"Something happened two weeks ago. She wasn't to pleased."

"Well what happened?."

"Um...Nunya."

"I can turn this f-cking car around ya know."

"NO MOMMY!." Bandit yelled from the backseat. They forgot she was in the car.

"Fine! Me and Gerard, we um...DO I HAVE TO? It's embarrasing."

"What did y'all do, f-ck?" She joked. He was silent. he looked to his feet. A few seconds passed when she gasped. "OH MY GOD Y'ALL DID IT?!." She said with wide eyes, then began laughing hysterically.

"I, uh, meh." He answered awkwardly. She continued to laugh for a minute or so then caught her breath.

"So -whoo- So Jamia wasn't to please with this huh?."

"Not in the slightest. I can't even talk to him on the phone."

"Now that's a little extreme." She exclaimed. He nodded in agreement. "So..." Lindsey said as the conversation dimmed. A minute passed when she spoke again. "Didja like it?." She asked with a smirk. He smiled back sarcastically and flipped her off. She made a biting move towards his finger, he moved it away quickly.

They arrived soon. Lindsey quickly reached for Bandit's arm but she was too quick and ran for the door. "DAADDDYYYY! Open the door Daddy!."

"Bandit calm down!." Lindsey shouted sternly. She and Frank walked to the door to join Bandit and knocked a few times, waiting.

"F-ck this sh-t." Frank said, grabbing his key.

"Don't curse Frankie! It's bad!." Bandit yelled up at him. "YEEAAAHHHHH." Lindsey mocked towards him, grinning. He stuck his tongue out and opened the door. They yelled for him but just like Frank and Mikey's visit he never showed. Frank immediately thought the worst and told Lindsey and Bandit to stay put as he roamed the house in search for Gerard. He entered the bathroom in Gerard's bedroom as part of the search and couldn't believe what he saw. He gasped and put his hand over his mouth, beginning to cry. What lay in the bathtub was Gerard,  
unconsious, bleeding everywhere. He had cut his wrists open. The water filling the tub was plaguing with the dark maroon liquid that spilled from his wrists. Lindsey came in soon, naturally disobeying Frank's orders. She widened her eyes and dropped to her knees, hands over her mouth like Frank. She cried as Frank called 911. Bandit ran up and Lindsey picked her up and carried her out, against her will. Frank took some shirts out of Gerard's dresser and wrapped them around his wrists.

"Where's Daddy?! I wanna see Daddy!." She protested.

"No baby, You can't see Daddy right now." She choaked, barely managing to speak. She paused and sat in the middle of the of the staircase, holding Bandit tightly, weeping. Bandit cried now too.

"Where's Daddy? What's, wrong with Da-addy?." She cried. Lindsey didn't answer, she just held Bandit in her arms. Frank ran down after them. He sat next to Lindsey and hugged her.  
He cried as well.

"I called 911. They'll be here any minute now." He pulled back and gently grabbed Lindsey's chin, facing her towards him. "He's going to be alright." He assured her slowly. But she was convinced he was gone. He felt the same in a way but he was known for having faith. Gerard liked that about him. 911 arrived shortly and Lindsey struggled to cover Bandit's eyes as the medics rushed his pale body to the gurney, but failed. He was dripping water, the shirts that covered his wrists had fell and he was pouring blood once more, covered with nothing but a blanket the medics carried. Bandit looked and turned away, wailing into her mothers arms. "Daddy." she cried repeatedly.

"Will he be alright?." Frank asked quickly.

"We can't be sure. We have to get him to the hospital A.S.A.P." One of the medics said as he shut ambulance the door. Lindsey drove to the hospital far behind the ambulance with Frank and Bandit. Frank decided to sit in the back and comfort the crying 4 year old.

"Am i -sniffles- gonna see Daddy again?."

"Of course you are baby." He said, kissing her on the forehead. He wasn't sure though. They pulled in and rushed to the counter, explaining what happened and who they were looking for.  
The woman behind the counter called a nurse who was involved with his case. She said she didn't have any information on his condition, but assured them the hospital did have blood in his type. But whether or not he would live was still unknown to her. Lindsey thanked the nurse and the three sat in the waiting area. Then Frank got a call. It was Jamia of course.

"Frank where are you? Why have you been there so long?."

"Because I was never going to his in the first place."

"You went to see Gerard."

"Yes."

"Frank what the f-ck?! I told you not to go around him anymore."

"Well did you ever consider that maybe you aren't the f-cking boss of me?." He said sternly as he went outside. It was very cold. He could see his breath.

"EXCUSE ME?!."

"Jamia he tried to kill himself. And he might have succeeded." She went silent. "I don't know how you can expect not to see my best friend anymore. We're in a band Jamia. We're going to see eachother at some point."

"With the guys around. Either way weren't you guys thinking about kicking him out?."

"How could we kick him out? What gave you that idea?." She didn't answer. "-sigh- I went to his house with Lindsey and Bandit. I convinced her to go see him but she said I had to come with.  
He cut his wrists open. And we don't know if he's okay or not. We're at the hospital." He paused to take a hit from the cigarette he lit when he went outside. "There was blood everywhere Jamia." Lindsey walked out and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned and she gestured him to come inside. "I have to go. I'll see you when I get home okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm sorry that I lied to you baby. I really am but I had to see him and make sure he was okay. Obviously he wasn't."

"I understand. Bye, I love you."

"I love you too." He followed Lindsey inside. "What's up? Did you hear anything about him?." He asked.

"Yeah. They have enough to get him back to a healthy blood amount. They're pumping it in through and I.V. now." She said with a smile through her tears. He smiled back. They sat at the hospital for about around 40 minutes. A nurse came out to them and said he was awake if they wanted to speak to him. They sprung up and followed her to his room. Lindsey and Bandit went in first. He saw them and smiled as much as his tired muscles could manage.

"Hi baby." He spoke weakly to his daughter.

"Hi Daddy." She sat next to him on his bed.

"I missed you so much baby." He said, hugging her with one arm, pulling her closer. She hugged him as tight as she could. Tears began to run down his cheeks. He still smiled.

"I missed you too. I love you Daddy." She said, kissing him on the cheek, hugging him. He started to cry more as he held his daughter for the first time in months. Lindsey smiled down, crying lightly. She held his hand. "I love you too sweetheart."He released Bandit and grabbed Lindsey's hand with both of his.

"I love you so much Lindsey. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry. I'll never do it again. Please give me another chance. I promise I'll never lay another hand on you." He pleaded to her. She stared at him more a moment. She thought of everything that's happened. She almost lost him. He hurt her but she couldn't imagine living without him. She smiled.

"Okay baby. I will. I've missed you." She smiled ear to ear now, he smiled wider too and pulled her closer to hug her. When the hug was done she stepped back and Frank went to him and rubbed his arm and hand. He leaned down closer to him.

"Hey Frank." Gerard smiled.

"Hey Gerard." He said with a slight half smile. He stopped rubbing and grabbed his hand, holding him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let Jamia control me like that."

"It's okay Frank. I understand. You didn't want to lose your family." He smiled. Frank stood.

"No, It's not okay. I can't believe I let this happen to you."

"Frank. I'm not your responsibilty. You can't feel bad about this. It isn't your fault." Though Gerard tried to comfort his friend it wasn't working. "Frank, what can i do to help you understand That this isn't your fault?." Frank stopped pacing and turned to Gerard.

"Nothing." He said. Gerard rolled his eyes.

"You know what I'm just gonna go, call Mikey mk?." Lindsey stated awkwardly, grabbing Bandit and leaving the room. Gerard watched them leave the room then looked back at Frank.

"Gerard." He said, stepping closer to him. "You need to promise that you will never, ever, do this again." He said as he grasped Gerard's hand again, tightly now. Gerard looked in his eyes.

"I promise I will never do it again." He said slowly.

"Swear it."

"I swear." He smiled. Frank smiled back, leaning closer to his friend. Gerard moved up and tried to kiss Frank, and Frank leaned in for a minute but right before their lips touched, he pulled back. Gerard didn't speak but the look in his eyes said he was sorry.

"It's okay." Frank smiled at Gerard. Gerard smiled back. Lindsey opened the door.

"Gerard, Mikey wants to talk to you." She said handing him her phone. They talked for a bit while Frank and Lindsey sat outside the room. Frank looked over at her and saw her wiping tears from her face. He rubbed her arm.

"Hey. Why are you crying? He's okay." He asked.

"That's not the point. I'm glad he's okay but, I never thought he would do this." She said, looking at the floor, then through the window on Gerard's hospital door. She stood to look through better. She saw him on the phone with Mikey. He looked sad, in a guilty way. Mikey was upset. And terrified. Gerard looked and saw Lindsey and half-smiled as his brother talked, well, yelled at him. Mikey was furious. But not with Gerard. With the situation. The idea that his big brother wanted to take his own life killed Mikey. She smiled back. She sat back down next to Bandit and held her hand, pulling her into the hug. She hugged her mom back. "I love you baby." "I love you too Mommy." Frank smiled widely at the two. Lindsey turned and noticed him and raised an eyebrow.

"The f-ck you lookin' at shorty?." She joked. He opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by an object hitting the door. He opened it and saw Gerard had thrown his pillow at the door.

"I've been yelling for y'all!." He said with a laugh. "Now hand me my f-cking pillow and come here." He laughed again. Frank did as he asked. Gerard grabbed the pillow from Frank and asked him to tell Lindsey to come here. He did and she pulled a chair from across the hospital room to his bed and sat.

"Hey baby." She said, holding his hand again.

"Hey." He smiled, rubbing her cheek. "Can I ask you a question?."

"Of course baby." She said. "What is it?."

"Can you." He paused to giggle. "Can you please go to my house and bring me some clothes." He said with a smile, trying not to laugh. She couldn't help but giggle.

"Alright baby." She rose and walked away, then turned and kissed him on the lips lightly. Then left.

Authors note: Sorry about the incredibly long chapter. I have yet to mention that I in no way think that Jamia is as much of, well a b-tch as I describe her in this story. Hope you enjoyed it.  
Chapter 8 will be here shortly.


	8. Nice Drawing

It had been nearly a month since Gerard's trip the the hospital. He recovered fine and him and Lindsey remarried. Lindsey sold the small house she bought when she left him and they used the extra money to contribute pay to the 'proper' wedding they had. Jamia had let up on her demand that Frank couldn't see Gerard and the band began working on their 6th album. Frank,  
Gerard, Mikey, Ray and Jarrod hung out often. Like this time. The guys went to Gerard's and the wives went shopping together.

"So what shall we do today? Video games? Music?." Mikey said before Frank interrupted.

"LARPing?." Frank said with a laugh. They all laughed.

"We aren't quite that nerdy Frank." Ray said.

"Well you're one to talk Toro. Didn't I hear something from Krista recently about you suggesting she dress as Princess Leia to spice up things in the bedroom?." Frank said as Ray began blushing.

"I don't know what sh-t you've been smoking but that didn't happen." Ray said nervously.

"Yeah sure." Mikey smiled.

"And what about you Gerard? What can you contribute to the conversation? You've quite this whole time." Jarrod said. Gerard looked at him with raised eyebrows. He didn't hear him. He had been drawing as they all joked.

"Oh sorry. Kinda zoned out over here. That's some good weed." He said pointing to the pipe on the table. "I ain't even smoked it and I'm high." He added with a smile. Jarrod smiled back.

"Well I don't know about y'all but i'm gonna go attack that pantry." Mikey said as he rose. Frank followed.

"Yeah sure you can eat my food. Thanks for asking." Gerard joked. Mikey simply turned and stared at his brother. They made looks to eachother as if they were speaking telepathically. Jarrod looked at Frank and Ray and a 'what the fuck?' kind of way.

"Mikey and Gerard have sort of a telepathic, mind-meld or some shit like that." Frank explained. Mikey smirked at the comment as he raided Gerard's pantry. "They can kind of read eachother's minds. In this case Gerard said that and Mikey said with his mind-" He stopped and gestured toward Mikey. Beckoning him to explain his thoughts. When he got why Frank was doing that he of course enlightened the group.

"I was basically saying 'I'm your brother. I'm gonna eat your fucking food and you know that' to him. He replied 'Yeah I know. Just joking. Carry on.'. It's really weird." Jarrod nodded in agreement with wide eyes.

"I thought only twins could do that." Jarrod said.

"Meh. It depends on how close the two are. sisters, brothers, brother and sister, et cetera." Gerard shrugged.

"So you guys are really close?." Jarrod asked.

"PSSSHHHHH. Bitch please. We _invented_ close." Mikey said smirking. Gerard agreed. They moved into the living room and decided to have a guitar hero fest. That went on for a while. Soon The wives got back and everyone left.

"Gimme a sec. I need to get my stuff." Frank said to his wife. Though it wasn't true. She nodded, smiled and walked to their van.

"Hey Gerard?."

"Hey Frank. What's up?."

"Just wanted to see how you were feeling. You seem really happy but, depressed on the inside."

"Sorta. I miss when you would come over and cook for me and hang out for a little. It was nice. But I missed Lindsey more. No offence, I hope I'm not hurting you by saying that."

"Of course you aren't. I'm glad she's back. I'm glad you're happy. And I'm glad to see you have meat on your bones again." He said with a smile. Gerard smiled back. "I should probably go." Frank said.

"Right. Of course. Bye Frank."

"Bye Gerard." He said. Hugging him. Right before Frank left he turned and looked at Gerard. "And by the way, Nice drawing." He said smirking. The drawing was of Frank. Gerard drew Frank sitting in front of him before everyone left. Gerard smiled back.

Author's note:Hope you guys enjoyed it! Lemme know if y'all want more Fanfic. I'll be doing my own stories as well as Fanfiction. (By the way if y'all didn't know Jarrod Alexander is MCR's new drummer. He isn't official but I'd rather not make up a totally new drummer.).


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